Posts Tagged ‘competition’

Having Wedding Doubts? What’s the Solution?

September 16, 2012 Leave a comment

Having pre-wedding jitters? Then DON’T go through with it, say psychologists

Read full article here:

This article focuses on a study done on married couples, that was conducted in Los Angeles by UCLA. What the study finds is that couples who had doubts about the marriage, especially when it was the bride that had doubts, tended to result in divorce more frequently than marriages where the couple had no doubts pre-marriage.

A great point is made towards the end of the article:

“Thomas Bradbury, a UCLA psychology professor and co-author of the study, compared the situation to finding something disturbing on your skin that you hadn’t noticed before.

‘If you see something unusual on your skin, should you ignore it and go to the beach, or see a doctor? Be smart and don’t ignore it – and don’t ignore your doubts either,’ said Bradbury, who co-directs the Relationship Institute at UCLA.

‘Have a conversation and see how it goes. Do you think the doubts will go away when you have a mortgage and two kids? Don’t count on that.”

This is a great point, because so many relationships end because one or both partners has some issue that they just hold inside and don’t discuss for some reason or another, and such points left unresolved will build over time, and even something that seemed small to start out with, can become the dividing point that splits a couple in two, when it’s kept in, and allowed to fester.

I saw this play out in in many of my relationships, and I’m sure many of you have experienced/gone through the same scenario, where there are little or big points that come up, but instead of just bringing it up, we keep it inside. Then we’ll mull it around in our mind, having all sorts of thoughts about it, playing out scenarios in our imagination, and participating in internal conversations and backchat toward our partner where we go into blame and judgment toward our partner, where we’ll have statements inside ourself such as ‘I can’t believe what they did’, ‘How could they do this/that’, ‘Why didn’t they just do this/that’, where interestingly enough, it’s never considered: Why am I asking these questions inside my head instead of out loud, where they can actually be heard, and answered?

So what that shows is that within ourself, we’ve made the decision to not include our partner in the conversation we’re having within ourself, and this obviously develops a rift in the relationship, because now there is one story, one version of reality, in your mind, as the conversations and scenarios that you’ve participated in in your mind, and then there is the actual physical reality, where you exist and your partner exist, and for communication to take place between each other, it has to happen physically, not in the mind.

So by not including our partner in our mind conversation, we are busy sabotaging the relationship, deliberately, within making the deliberate decision to not include our partner in one the conversation taking place within ourself, and deciding to separate ourself from them in this way, and going into backchat and blame toward them, instead of working out issues, by actually bringing them up for discussion.

Why don’t we simply bring up the issues that come up within us? It could be fear; Fear of conflict and fear of loss of relationship where you fear your partner will react/get mad/leave you, and you don’t want to do anything that might jeopardize the relationship or change your living situation. Because relationships aren’t currently designed around the starting point of doing what’s best for all as a whole, cause we as humans, have learned that one must fend for oneself, even when it comes to relationships, and from this starting point comes elements of competition, which makes relationships into a score keeping game, instead of an equal and one partnership, where both partners walk in agreement to live according to the principle of what is best for all.

How do we practically transform our starting point from one of separation into one of oneness and equality, when we’ve always existed as beings in competition with one another, in an economic system, the very foundation of which is competition and survival as an individual,because we do not take care of ourself as a group. What’s required is no less than actually changing one’s starting point, to instead of going into spitefulness and blame toward another, while considering only oneself, to stop the competition, to stop the ‘holding out’ and ‘exclusion’ of each other by going into our personal secret mind and sabotaging our relationships by participating in backchat about/toward others, instead of sticking to reality and actually communicating with each other, which will lead to couples either being able to sort out issues, or find that they are not an effective match, before they go down the road into a life commitment toward each other.

An effective way to assist and support oneself to develop the ability to communicate directly and in consideration of what’s best for all is to walk the Agreement Course put out by Desteni, which is actually the only course currently in existence which deals with the issue of separation and spitefulness in a direct and specific way in which one can really effectively walk each and every point of spitefulness and separation, where one go into blame and judgment, out of oneself. And where one learn to take self responsibility and stop the dependencies one has existed as that can keep one from speaking out in a relationship, for fear of losing the relationship, so that one can develop effective relationships with real communication and no longer live in an alternate reality in one’s mind, wishing/hoping that actual reality would change, but to take a practical active role in one’s life and relationships, and, fundamentally, develop an effective relationship with oneself, as all the other relationships with others in our life, are a reflection of our own relationship with ourself, which we’ve never effectively developed in awareness of who we’ve created ourself to be and the patterns we live out, and how what we’re living effects our very lives and our relationships.


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How Do We Respond to the Situation in Japan?

March 30, 2011 1 comment


I was reading some posts at the end of an article that included some emails exchanged between some workers at the damaged power plants in Japan, and when I read this comment posted in response to the article, I realized something very unfortunate:



“No country, America included, has the right to swoop in and take over when there is a disaster and the Japanese want to protect their security and their sense that they are in charge of and looking after their own country (as would any country that was suffering what it is suffering).” See full article here.


It’s unfortunate that our relationships (as nations) aren’t such that we Could just swoop in and help each other out. For example, if you saw someone fall off their bike, would you ‘swoop in’ to help them? I mean, to a large extent we are not like that on an individual level, and this is reflected on the large scale, where, as nations, it’s each nation ‘out for itself’.


I see a world where we can all work together and support each other is possible- though we are yet a long way off from being at that point, where we have actually established trust with each other, and can actually, for once, move as a group, in unity- I see that it is possible- and I see this because I have been transforming myself in my own relationships with others, to consider myself as equal to others, and consider what’s best for everyone equally- and if it’s possible on the individual level to develop real relationships and establish and build trust, then obviously it is possible on the large scale- it’s just a matter of each one of us standing up and taking self responsibility for how we live in this world and in our relationships with each other.


It’s not hard to see what kind of a world we could live in, what kind of life we could have, if we all consider what’s best for all, and stop living in fear and competition with each other. It’d be a World that’s a Trillion times better than what it is now. Where we could immediately take care of disasters and do whatever needs to be done to assist each other and make sure none are suffering. What happened in the aftermath of Katrina, for example- such atrocity would simply not happen.



How much more suffering do we need to go through, before we will finally realize the common sense to stand up and change ourselves, and change this world.


If you see the common sense and are ready to live in a world as equals that do not need to compete and struggle and fight to survive- support the Equal Money System.


The Equal Money System Book is due to be released 9/11/11!- Sign up here to be notified to get your copy so you can educate yourself on the fundamental principles of the Equality-based system that will support Everyone to have a dignified Life!


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